Five ways to Rebuild Broken Trust

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Five ways to Rebuild Broken Trust

Summary:
– Trust cannot be guaranteed
– Once lost, it takes lots of time and work to rebuild
– Trust goes beyond cheating (There are many ways we can betray trust – relapse regarding alcohol use; Letting us down; Lying; Leaving us when they were supposed to protect us)
– Trust is comfort in your partners presence
– Depending on your partner gives you more
– Trust means not having to protect yourself around your partner
– Trust is the willingness to be vulnerable because you know you will be cared for
– What are your reasons to rebuild trust?
– Or in other words, what do you get out of this relationship?
– Real trust has intrinsic worth (Making each other laugh; The benefits of being a team; Respect; Being each other’s biggest fan) not transactional benefits such as money,status etc.,

How to rebuild trust:
1) Know this will take time
– Partners should not tell you why aren’t you over this yet?
– Similarly, at every disagreement the partners passed should not be dredged up again
2) A real apology should be delivered
– I am sorry that I did…
[It should not justify, minimise, blame or urge you to just get over it – These are not real apologies]
– Real apologies should: Take responsibility, express remorse, Understands why you are hurt are hurt, and promises to make amends
3) Gather evidence of dependability and predictability
– Go through situations where the partner will be true and kind & transparent
– For example: Going to therapy; Deciding on goals together, Being transparent about where you are and when you will return; agreements about doing things
4) Focus on the here and now
– Ask yourself: Are you prone to rumination about a past or a possible future without coming to a decision
5) Take a leap of faith (Not the religious kind)
– The belief that your partner will act in loving and kind ways
– Being vulnerable is the only way to discover whether your partner will or will not let you down again
[Not a one size fits-all temp late]

Source: Savvy Psychologist Podcast | 26 May 2017

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