Build a deeper relationship (& Reduce relationship conflict)

Build a deeper relationship (& Reduce relationship conflict)

– Arguments about so-called “silly” things can often be appointed to unresolved deeper issues

Communication strategies:
– It is about understanding your partner deeply so as to understand them
– what do they really want in a relationship?
– for e.g. A sense of importance
– do you take the position of the other person? To truly understand them? Put yourself in the other’s shoes.
– When an argument occurs – people typically are not deliberately trying to hurt you – but are instead making the best decision – on the basis of their life experiences & needs – at that point in time & are trying to achieve these needs in the best way they can with the resources they have
– This is why It can seem people react in an automatic, almost preprogrammed, way
– a powerful way – therefore- to operate in a relationship is the following:
– The other person is doing their best
– And you saying to understand what they do & why? (While being mindfully aware of your feelings and choosing how to respond – guided by values & what you really consider important – rather than simply reacting)
[this also relies on suspending judgment about good or bad, context/situation-dependent & social appropriateness & boundaries)
– And to then discuss and review in a positive way with your partner – communicating with empathy & understanding
– after all, understanding & connection brings you closer to a person, not judgment
– noting our natural human condition to exercise a “binary” judgment – black & white
– if you recognise (& suspend) your judging tendency – including of those you care deeply about in particular – then you are better able to connect & understand & apply judgment more effectively to the issues truly of concern (& in a way which will be more relational & empathic)
– this enables partners to seek what it is they want from their significant other (their partner – that is to be more loving, caring & emotionally available to them – as well as feeling safe & secure
– the same issues apply to your relationships with yourself – to be caring towards yourself
– sometimes, in the context of a relationship – a person has to find themselves before they can find their partner
– instead, suspend judgment – & do – by striving/working towards your goals/ improvement, while being mindful in the present

The most common problem in relationships is often:
– One or both parties in a relationship thinks the other person doesn’t really understand them
– This is why it is important that partners take stock & review how they are communicating in a relationship – are there more options/better ways to reach their partner?
– it is worth noting That people receive messages (& to therefore discuss this & work out – potentially better ways which achieve desired outcomes while preserving the partner’s integrity & strengthening the relationship
– It is also worth noting that people communicate with their behaviour/ actions / body language / tone of voice [non-verbal]

Daily practices:
– Express gratitude for the relationship
– Express gratitude/love for one thing in their partner – including how you appreciate something they do (Part of moving away from negativity to positivity)
– relationships involve pain & struggle, but offers potential for growth & meaning
– rapport – understanding your partner (not necessarily agreeing)
– ask questions that you really want to know about your partner

Source: Relationship advice podcast | Podcast date: 1 December 2016


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