Investing in your relationship
– Getting to know yourself is very important in the context of a relationship (Including how you were brought up)
– That is, what are you looking for in the relationship?
– Difficult conversations can be useful for the health of a relationship
– As parents, you are the cornerstone of the household
– The episode looks at: Why do people pick the wrong partner?
(the thesis is that this occurs because there are Unresolved family of origin issues)
– therapy is a about awareness – in particular of your own patterns – this can be a slow process involving talk over many weeks & exploring your own values
Questions to be answered:
– Who are you?
– What are your values?
– What is important to you?
– Also ask family members
– What do you love about mum? what do you love about dad? what do you love about family members?
– What do you look for in a romantic partner?
What do you gain from being in the relationship?
What qualities of the partner do you like?
How much of the time would you spend being happy and unhappy in the relationship?
What are your partner’s strengths?
– If there is abuse or neglect, the podcast recommends the person leaving the relationship (noting this is a complex process/decision informed by many variables)
– Improving communication
– Using empathy; trying to understand; not judging; not point scoring
– Check in with your partner on a regular basis to test/gauge relationship health
Note: Values are different to likes/dislikes or interests
Source: Relationship Advice Pod cast / 1 February 2017