improve yourself to improve your relationship

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improve yourself to improve your relationship

Summary:
– We do not want a partner to complete us – that is a cliche – you need to have all your pieces yourself
– humans a are dynamic / we are always changing
– issues from a person’s childhood need to be resolved
– is work/life in balance?
– are you connected with yourself?
– are you physically, financially, spiritually, socially satisfied/ feel in balance
– relationships & ourselves “take work”
– what is the meaning in your life? How do you seek it?
– is self-improvement balanced?
– In a relationship, you can only be as healthy as the unhealthiest person in the relationship
– Note: a lot of times the healthier of the two people in the relationship, is the one to seek out therapy
– Often the other partner is unwilling to work on themselves
– & is unwilling to work on goals for the relationship
– note: when one person does 80% of the work in a relationship & the other does 20%, that “says something” about the relationship; when one person gets in the way of another’s development, that is a “red flag”
– comfort does not necessarily mean the relationship is a healthy one
– when both people is “fighting”/working for the relationship, then this is a great sign
– both people need to put the effort in
– fight the problem together, not each other
– resentments/grudges are red flags for a relationship & are not always possible to work it out
– couples counselling is useful before a problem becomes too big
– issues: communication, money, parenting styles, showing love (appreciated/respected)
– Chapman’s 5 Love Languages – how a partner receives love (for e.g. More help around the house)

tools:
– journaling – express yourself, bring in to your therapist
– social engagement/hobbies – meaning
– healthy relationships involve two people making themselves better? & then making each other better?
– is your reality skewed?
– what is your purpose everyday? For yourself? For your relationship?
– is it positive or is it negative?
– do you prepare for the day/take stock at the end? Self-inventory?
[create positivity & goal-directed behaviour & motivation]
– ask couples to speak to each other [not to the therapist]
– ask them what they heard
– basic assertion – I feel… When you… I would like…
– do something together everyday
– touch each other (hands) to build bonds – every day
– check in every day

Source: Relationship Advice Pod cast / 3 January 2017

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