Look at Your Partner Through Rose-Coloured Glasses (Seriously) [Gottman Institute]

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Look at Your Partner Through Rose-Coloured Glasses (Seriously) [Gottman Institute]

– To build a culture of good feelings in your relationship, you have to start taking responsibility for your own mindset
– Your thoughts will translate into words and actions
– After a few years of marriage, it is easy to fall into a rut and imagine that your partner does not care (even if they do)

Gottman Says:
– a “negative perspective” of your partner is an overriding sense of negative regard where even neutral or positive actions (as well as mistakes) from your partner are skewed in your mind to be perceived as negative & which manifests itself in feelings of:
– Loneliness &/or powerlessness:
– where eventually one or both partners distance themselves from each other
– If you find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s intentions, of not giving them the benefit of the doubt – then you may be experiencing what Gottman calls the “Negative Perspective”

Gottman Says:
– It is never too late to make deliberate efforts to think about your partner in a more favourable light
– Successful couples create a culture of goodwill in their relationship

Here are some ideas for how to start thinking the best of your partner:
1) I love it when…
[do this for even negatives such as not going out enough together]
2) write down your appreciations – the small things your partner does or says – try to catch them doing something right (e.g. Poured coffee, my cereal, paid a bill; this also builds a habit of mind of seeing your partner in a positive light
3) build up your partner – find moments to tell your partner about how amazing, brave, positive, sexy etc. they are / a certain behaviour is, a certain thought, or attitude us
– pay attention to the good stuff

Source: Hyder, 2017

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