Think Confident Be Confident

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Think Confident Be Confident

Summary:
– Discussion with Dr Leslie Sokol, psychologist, from Beck Institute
– firstly, every person has shortcomings & therefore we all have doubts
– doubt can be a good thing because our realistic concerns are absolutely warranted
– but what about when doubt is exaggerated & gets global & in the way of doing thing
– in this case, doubt is our insecurity about doing things & can include the nasty names which leave us doubting ourselves & feeling unconfident & shying way from situations we would really like to be a part of
– sometimes we come up with rules to protect ourselves in situations & these are revealed typically by “if… Then…” Statements – fore.g.
– If I do a particular thing, then I will be safe; If I do another thing, then I might get myself in trouble..
– in the case of a person who questions their competence because they think they do not measure up, they my establish the following rule:
– if I do everything perfectly, then I measure up… then I am competent; however, if I make a mistake then it is going to prove I am not competent & that I do not measure up
– humans employ “compensation strategies” that enforce their rules – if I believe I do not measure up o others then I am going to demand perfection from myself so my strategy is going to be to try to deliver more than anybody else so as to prove to myself (more than the rest of the world) that I really am that competent person
– note: 1 or 2 mistakes does not discount the globally person I am
– doubt-driven actions often involve:
– avoidance behaviours (to not engage, to delegate too much, or I always take control of a situation) [need to distinguish between doubt & realistic concerns where such behaviours make sense]
– 2 types of doubt:
1) doubt-based incompetence
2) doubt-based undesirability (I.e. being a good person)
[note how doubts often lie in areas we greatly value – e.g. achievement, being a good person, being desirable to others]
– competence is questioned when we encounter things such as those that get in our way of performing, achieving, earn a living, be autonomous, or be independent
– the value of being a good person is questioned when we encounter things such as being rejected by people, people being angry with you
– what we value is multi-faceted & complex shaped by biopsychosocial experiences within complex family and societal systems
– doubt leads to pervasive vulnerability & the likelihood that you will begin to see the world through a particular lense
– doubt is an over-generalisation of your concerns
– confidence comes from believing in yourself & accepting that you are basically a desirable person who is not perfect, & that you are a capable person(but this does not mean you can handle every situation) & if you need more education, more skills etc., you will be able to recognise this so you can go out & get it
– a confident person also asks for help when they need it
– cocky is a compensation for lack of skill – such a person says they can do it when they can’t & they think they are the best
– Distortions that occur when a person doubts (bias):
– we feel & therefore we believe (feelings do not reconcile with the facts/at variance with reality)

What to do?
1) label the doubt (particularly when under stress)
2) re-think & re-examine to see if it is true what you are thinking
3) resolve to move towards a confide mindset
4) take care of ourselves
5) move towards goals
6) keep practicing confidence (pay attention, lists why it makes sense to be confident, & keep stretching yourself with activities/challenges to be confident

Source: CBT radio Western North Carolina | podcast date – 29.04.2010 |

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