Six Tips to Enhance Your Relationship [Psychologist & Relationship Coach – Darya Haitoglu] – based on positive psychology & neuro-psychology

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Six Tips to Enhance Your Relationship
[Psychologist & Relationship Coach – Darya Haitoglu]
– based on positive psychology & neuro-psychology

Aim: to create happier & more functional families
– longitudinal surveys show relationships are most important in creating happiness
– we often shadow our parents (unwittingly) in our relationships
– majority of people come from families that are not functional
Summary: ENRICH acronym
1) E – explore v’s routine (which is boing) – explore yourself (overcome fear to change; conscious mind tries to save energy through doing the same); explore the other k& the partnership (to maintain passion)
– 50% of couples/ marriages end in divorce
– breathing exercise – couples breathing at the same pace [Milton Erikson – neuro linguistic programming] – empathic/sympathetic nervous response | based on mirror neurons to enhance connectivity [practical way to explore together – like a meditation together]
2) N – nourish v’s deplete [before going into stressful moment]
– nourish ourselves & the relationship
– 5 love languages (Gary Chapman)
– emotional credit bank account -(based on the hierarchy of needs)
[see Maslow’s Human Needs – NPR broadcast date: 17 APRIL 2015]
3) R – respond v’s react (this is based on emotional intelligence | stress comes when discussing finances, children, intimacy within a couple – oxytocin & dopamine evaporate after the romance stage of love)
– best way to not induce stress within a relationship is to not react (noting tha this is rarely taught within families)
– sandwich strategy: to talk about difficult issues
– talk about something on the topic that the partner does well (top layer of bread)
– talk about the meat (the filling of the sandwich) – the issue such as finances
– by beginning with I feel… (Whatever you feel about whatever the subject is)
[not blame]
– last part of the sandwich – the bottom layer of bread – share a dream, a wish, a hope about whatever the particular difficult topic is
– such a strategy helps to remain calm, respectful, able to respond & not react
4) I – imagine v’s willpower [imagination of a positive outcome is more powerful than willpower]
– she cites performance in a basketball team
– use in relationships | create desire maps | dreaming together as a couple | imagining positives | dopamine release
– it is similar to affirmations & visualisations but takes it further by living & breathing them
5) C – communicate v’s assume
– assumptions are the mother of all stuff-ups
– clear communication
– tool – temperature reading – do this once per week – invest each week to connect on a deeper level – begin by
i) words of appreciation
ii) new information – share something they did not know to connect with your partner
iii) share something that you do not know – something which is puzzling you
iv) share worries & concerns
v) share wishes,dreams & hopes
6) H – hugs and humour v’s withdrawal
4 hugs to survive
8 hugs to live a normal life
12 hugs to thrive
[physical attention – releases oxytocin – develops intimacy & connection]

Source Relationship Advice Podcast | Podcast date: 11 October 2016

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