Getting grief right

Getting grief right

– written by a psychotherapist
– Stages of grief: Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
– Cultural expectation About grief – Put it behind you and get on with life
– Coping through acting better than you feel – This can be exhausting
– Approach: tell me your story (The narrative of your life)
– validate the person’s experience
– In therapy stages of grief, Self-diagnosis & societal expectations do not matter – you can surrender to your sorrow
– Grief is as unique as a fingerprint – That is we all do it differently & in our own time
– The story of loss has three chapters:
1. The strength of the bond with the person who has been lost
– the degree of attachment & strength of grief are linked
– The size of their grief is attached to the size of their love
2. The death event itself
– when death is traumatic & premature, the person often questions their sanity
3. The long road that beings when the outside world stops grieving with you
– reassuring others you are ok is often exhausting when you really need to sink into your sadness & grieve & accept
– Support groups can be useful – to learn from others that closure is not wanted because it means closing off a sacred bond
– Isak Dinesen (Writer) “All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them.”
– There is no right or wrong way to grieve
– There is no pressure to move on
– There is no shame in intensity or duration
– Sadness, regret, confusion, yearning, & all the experiences of grief become part of the narrative of love for the one who died.



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