Protect yourself from anger: Learn to boost confidence and composure

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Protect yourself from anger: Learned to boost confidence and composure

Summary:
– grievous are the consequences of anger as much as the causes of it
– concept of “ego anger” with irrational demands, recurrent & lingering features
– consequences can include:
– physical violence
– relationship loss
– when expressing anger, people tune into the emotion rather than the substance
– long-term health risks
– concept of “anger traps”
– confident composure:
– recognise you can only directly command yourself
– can influence controllable events only
– you have psychological resources to defuse conflicts & finesse those conflicts (I.e. responding flexibly & effectively)

Blame-Anger Factor
– holding onto anger is like holding onto something ready to throw it at another person
– “road of life” analogy – rarely smooth – full of challenges, frustrations, stress, blame
– it is normal to blame those you believe caused you pain
– condemning & punishing is like holding onto something
– confidence to take charge of yourself & adversity (despite the anxiety caused)
– you have options – to stress yourself or
– to problem-solve & exude confident composure
– begin by showing empathy to others important to you & thereby building relationships
– control your own reactions
– deep-breathing;
– buy time to calm down
– examine anger assumptions – why you believe it is ok to get angry
– change from “ego anger” to “enlightened” – why play the game of “anger”?
– accept reality – the situation is as it is
– make Your anger/impatience/frustration the target of change
– defuse & let go of the anger

The Anger-Anxiety-Procrastinaation Connection
– confrontation anxiety
– or is it more realistic to be assertive, noting it is difficult but more helpful & effective than bottling it all up
– procrastination is used to avoid confrontation
– put off procrastination by
1. Accepting there is a problem which needs to be addressed/changed
2. Break steps down into plunks – smaller, planned chunks
3. Develop a positive, can do form of reasoning
4. Accept her emotions without ignoring/distracting herself
5. Change her behaviour & act as though she can do it without argument or anger

Aristotle – Anyone can become angry. That is easy. To be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, & in the right way… That is not easy.

– ego anger is triggered by irrational demands & expectations & it may seem automatic (as if caused by something)
– however, you do have a choice to think, feel & act differently.
– believe you can respond reflectively & effectively, & then do so
– practice makes progress, & when mistakes are made, practice repair

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201104/protect-yourself-anger

http://rebtnetwork.org/

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