TEACH CHILDREN TO BE HEALTHY & HAPPY: a prescription for child resilience

Publication1BCTEACH CHILDREN TO BE HEALTHY & HAPPY: a prescription for child resilience

– rational principles to achieve self-acceptance & confidence
– Jack Horner rhyme demonstrates conditional self- worth (he is only a good boy if he pulls out the plum from the pie)
– doing & being are different, are mutually exclusive, NOT contingent
– a rework of the rhyme might look like this:
“Little Jack Horner sat in the corner reflecting on the day; I succeeded once; I mucked up twice; But, I am always OK.”
– USA: unconditional self-acceptance
– performance, one way or the other, does not determine your worth
– self-acceptance means understanding that one failure (extrapolate to everything in life) is inevitable
– this time of making a mistake is an attitude for resilience &
– it correlates with self-efficacy belief:
“I can organise, coordinate & execute actions to reach worthy goals”
– Ellis (developer of REBT) had a unique sense of humour & would invent songs to illustrate points he wanted to make:
– [to de-bunk Conditional Self-ACCEPTANCE (CSA) – “I am a turd for acting turdily, as I must not do; & I’ll always be this way & never succeed.”
– ELLIS – this engenders Self-loathing
– ELLIS: USA e.g. “If they don’t like how I express myself, too damn bad. I accept myself anyway.”
– [his point: “I do not need your approval to accept myself. But I recognise that approval is preferable.”][realistic – social implications & advantages of performing]
– ELLIS: we are worthwhile because we exist & logically, we cannot be pigeon-holed in a single category as we are always changing]

– ABC – an Activating event does not cause distress; what a person Believes or thinks (as a Consequence) brings about an emotional/behavioural consequence

Teach self-acceptance to children
– e.g. Teacher did not make you feel bad; they behaved badly [note: this doesn’t mean anything goes – stealing, bullying etc., are not acceptable behaviours

Practical tips for parents –
– “You did X well…”
– encourage effort
– practice USA:
– “I didn’t do that well, but I’m still ok”
– “I made a mistake but that doesn’t make me dumb.”
– “just because I’ve made mistakes doesn’t make me one.”
– getting angry is not something you are made to do by another, or by something that happened
– rather acting on the feeling of anger and becoming aggressive is the result of habituated thinking that is irrational

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201208/teach-children-be-healthy-and-happy @ Psychology Today [8/8/12]


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