how to build genuine confidence

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RUSS HARRIS – how to build genuine confidence

confidence does not mean no fear/no anxiety
– fight/flight still remain
– doubting self-talk still remains
& yet the popular misconception remains that confidence means no fear
– leaders such as Nelson Mandela say they are afraid but do things anyway

– anxiety is normal & is only negative
– moving from incompetence to competence in anything requires confronting anxiety again & again & again (making room for these feelings) rather than avoiding it or trying to get rid of it

Harris states:
1. genuine confidence is not the absence of fear & anxiety; rather it is a transformed relationship with fear & anxiety ;performers might refer to it as feeling pumped, ramped, revved up etc.,) – move fom avoidance to acceptance
2. The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later – take action (over & over)
3. Focus full attention on the task at hand [ACT – use mindfulness skills – e.g. Sheet if paper – imagine it has all the difficult thoughts & feelings you have about a particular task – bring paper to face – can you see – fusion; push it away from you – now you can see but notice how tiring & distracting it is ; mindful approach – let paper sit on lap – thoughts are still there but you are no longer struggling & you can get on with a task (despite the anxiety)

Confidence defined:
1. A feeling of certainty or assurance; an act of trust or reliance (relying on myself even when I feel terrified); Latin: com fudges (meaning with faith or trust)
[originally referred to a quality of behaviour rather than a feeling]

– he believes low self-esteem comes as a result of avoidance & no amount of positive self-talk/affirmations, positive thinking or self-hypnosis will work

Low self-confidence:
– avoidance of fear & anxiety
– lack of skills or experience
– lack of task-focused attention (on whatever is relevant to the task at hand, rather than self-focus

The Confidence Cycle:
1. Practice the skills
2. Apply them effectively
3. Assess the results
4. Modify as needed

Helen Keller: Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing

Source: Youtube/Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap

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